i went to Sundown Festival, Seoul'd Out Concert last night!!!! (Cause its early sunday morning now)

And i have concluded it was my happiest day alive being able to see LEE HONG KI OF F.T. Island!!!

It also happens to be my first concert (not counting christian bands/sonic fest) and i'm really super glad to say that it was an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME EXPERIENCE.

Great stage, great sound system, great singers & performance, great encores!!! T-max, Ft island, brown eye girls all graced us with encores! mad love! event was supposed to end at 10 but it ended at 11 ish instead!!!

And even tho i didnt manage to get the early bird tickets at $65, and paid $85, i have to say that it's worth every single dollar.

Even tho we stood through the event, from 8 - 11, it was worth it, i enjoyed the event even more than the dimsum dollies performance, where i sat comfortably in esplanade.

it's my first official fan girl event/experience and i never knew it could be so thrilling and exhilarating to see your favourite star, live and giving such an
awesome performance.

and im thankful to God for the clear skies and cool breeze at the event and tho it was super zomg crowded, we all got in and exit without any hiccups! :D

i'm still considering if i should go for the fanmeet/sign coming end january... costs $150, and its too pricey for me now... ill have to think about it! ;)

i've been thinking a lot more these few days.

i skipped work to get a few days of rest to think, to force myself to even tho i dont want cause i dont know what to think. (or that i think i dont know what to think anymore, am i confusing anyone here?)

and i even went to the airport the day before, to read a christian book(very aptly titled something like flaming the amber, matt gave me bout 2 months back when i was starting to lost my fire, lol), pray and read the bible. but i've reached a stage where im reading everything that i know, but what i want to know is what does God want me to do now for the next 8 months? it is a mighty long time.

and i found out that im not going to get a clear cut answer. (as with many things in life, that i have experienced in this year particularly) that is what living by faith is about, at least for me at this point in time. and, matt 6:33 is probably the theme verse of my life for now. and its mighty hard to keep because, my mentality is, how do i work for Lord if he doesnt show victory in my life first? and yet, its a chicken and egg question cause if i don't put His kingdom first, why would he give me victory?

and i know that God is calling me to do something greater, he is preparing me for something bigger, but i'm really having a tough time. i've lost my drive, my motivation and my fervour. i want to get them back, but its mighty hard. for the past few months i've been crying every other days and almost reaching a state of depression. and yet i didnt let go of God cause i know he is moulding me, he is allowing these things to happen to me for a reason. i do my daily devotion like in a hit and run manner, LOL and then i pray but i dont listen cause im not prepared to hear, or rather i dont want to hear what God has to say.

and there have been days, in fact almost everyday lately when i wake up and keep being in a foul mood. and... blame God and everyone, and hating myself.

and what i want to say is that music of the world, entertainment of the world, including kpop, is a venue i turn to, to take my mind off things, to amuse and entertain myself. and its not just for me, but many others out there. if its not kpop, it could be jpop, taiwan pop, american pop, whatever pop. or music, or sports, whatever.

and that funnily, watching a discovery channel documentary about kpop star Rain, where he wanted to give an advice to ppl in their twenties, to never give up even when they have failed because success comes after failure. he failed 18 rounds of audition before he got a place in JYP entertainment.

and that he's very driven cause he knows what he wants, he wanted to be a better singer than JYP, then now he wants to be a better producer.

so i too need a dream to keep me going. i need to have one, pray for one, i want to have a dream that is God-given, to find out what it is that i have to do, that destiny that belongs only to me and no other. i have gained motivation in seeking a new motivation. :D

and so! i will be thinking and praying hard about my dream/plans. prayer, my dear friends, is very important, it's a spiritual weapon to fight against the enemy, to protect ourselves too.

and i've also realized that u know when you say u surrender ur life to God, you better be careful, you could end up as saul and silas who had to suffer in jail for a while. Or joseph, betrayed by his brothers, sold to slavery, accused for touching his master's wife, imprisoned but thankfully eventually in a twist of events, rose to 2nd place in all of egypt.

you could also end up like me, no $ to go overseas, missed enrollment for local school, end up working in a place u dread. BUT u know u cannot let go of God, cause he's just the best thing around, you feel like what's the point? of holding on cause the situation seems dead anyway, but the truth is if u really let go, you're gonna me really dead. and besides, if you say u surrender your life to God, who's complaining when something happens, God must have intended it that way, for His good. Ok, it could have been a mistake on my part, but im pretty sure God factors in human errors in his plan.

and i don't know how the story, MY story's gonna play out for the next 8 months before i go lasalle (or not) but HEY! its not just my story, rather it's God's story to tell too since i've surrender my life to Him. you know, he could make it worse so that his glory can be greater shown (but choi! touch wood)

u see, the thing is, im not trying to scare you, but christianity is really not for the weak hearted. you can be a lukewarm christian and just join in for the weekend ride. but if u love God enough, he's gonna add to u all these troubles so that you feel that he's love's missing but actually he's always there, holding you, and all you have to do is to reach out. and im pretty sure you will come to know of a deeper, sweeter love. something like the sweet after taste of a bittersweet dark chocolate. hmm chocolate.

and i don't even know what im saying anymore. ok. bye!